Same Sex Attraction and Moral Liberation
modern sexuality
General Principles:
gay pride
  In a Nutshell
gay liberation
  Scripture and
modern sexuality
> Homosexual Activity
gay pride
  Natural Law and
gay lifestyle
  Call to Chastity
modern sexuality
  Singlehood and
gay pride
  Law of Charity
gay dating
Other Information:
gay pride
  Some Personal
modern sexuality
  The Catechism on
Chastity and
gay pride
  Key Biblical
gay love
gay hate
  Webmaster's Notes
(Updated from time to time.)
gay hate
gay hate
gay hate
  E-mail webmaster!
modern sexuality
Unless you instruct otherwise, contents of emails to the webmaster may be reproduced on this website on an anonymous basis for instructional purposes.
Catholic homosexuality

Same Sex Attraction and Moral Liberation

A Beacon for the Storm Tossed Traveler in the Modern World

Catholic homosexuality

Homosexual Activity: Promiscuity and Same Sex Relationships

  • Understanding the Wrongfulness of Homosexual Activity. While Catholics are obliged to give assent or religious submission of will and intellect to the teachings of the Church on faith and morals, it is still worthwhile for any believer to try to understand and make sense in his or her own mind and conscience why God might have imposed a particular prohibition, such as that with respect to homosexual acts. As humans, we are endowed with reason. Why should the faithful in the twenty-first century be content merely to accept on faith what the Church teaches without also trying to understand possible reasons for the teaching, thereby helping to internalize it? It helps me to think through the issue of why homogenital acts are wrong to consider such acts in two categories: (a) purely promiscuous acts and (b) acts in the context of a committed monogamous relationship.
  • Promiscuity Clearly Wrong. From an objective moral point of view, the conclusion that promiscuity is wrong or at least unChristian seems fairly easy to accept. If one looks into one's deepest conscience, one surely must see that promiscuity is in essence about using other people for our own selfish desires, and that it reduces the promiscuous one from the level of a rational human being to that of a mere beast. It is undignified behavior and leads to a mindset that sees other people as mere sex objects and not as humans deserving of dignity and respect. Let us not forget that Our Lord called not only for freedom from illicit sexual activity, but that we should not even surrender to lustful thoughts. Under any objective analysis, the "gay" lifestyle today is riddled with promiscuity and the promotion of such. Moreover, any criticism of such lifestyle along those lines is simply not tolerated. Do those in this lifestyle feel themselves free from any moral obligations by virtue of their sexual inclinations? Why do no gay activist leaders talk about morality and self control? Why are any safe and consensual sexual liaisons considered not only permissible but laudable? Will no gay activist proclaim publicly that promiscuity is simply wrong? Why do they refuse to draw any moral lines? I would encourage even those who think that committed homosexual relationships are licit to acknowledge that promiscuity is immoral. Oh ye self-proclaimed leaders of the "gay community", please show some moral responsibility and speak out against promiscuity, "cruising", orgies, casual sexual encounters, sado-masochism, pedophilia, public indecency and pornography!
  • Committed Relationships Based on Sexual Activity Problematic. Homosexual acts in the context of committed monogamous relationships are somewhat more difficult to my mind. On a superficial level, it would appear that such acts are at least partly motivated by affection for another, would not really harm oneself or others and may be a positive good. For years I longed in silence for such a relationship but never seemed to come in contact with the right person. At this point in my life, however, I am rather skeptical as to whether such a relationship really is possible for me or even desirable. I'm not sure if I could find a relationship involving a degree of selflessness on my part that would meet Our Lord's purity of heart standard. Nor do I want to treat people selfishly and callously in the process of looking for such a relationship, knowing that actions affect character over time. And even if I did find myself in an intimate friendship, I would want it to remain chaste. Sometimes it is said to be "unfair" to "deny" intimate sexual relationships to those with same sex attraction. I feel that such a view just does not recognize the reality of the world we live in. While we are obligated to love others, we have no entitlement to love and affection from other humans on this earth. Think of those fated to go through life single, such as those with disabilities or who are for whatever reason unattractive to others. If one has one true, disinterested friend, it is an act of purest grace for which one should be extremely thankful. I believe that all of us should be prepared to live alone with only Jesus as our true friend, because we inevitably will find ourselves at some time or another in friendless circumstances.
  • Sexuality is Holy, but only if Acted Upon in the Proper Context. The Catholic Church does not see sexuality as inherently wicked. It is in fact a sacred and holy thing. However, like any thing, it should not be treated casually and should be used only in the proper time and place. The proper time and place for sexual activity is within a permanent monogamous marriage between a man and a woman in an act potentially open to life. Only thus does the sexual act constitute a "sacramental" participation in God's loving act of creation congruent with the natural and divine orders. Once divorced from this context, sexuality if acted upon becomes a dangerous thing that tends to encourage selfishness and a turning away from God and neighbor in order to feed an insatiable animal appetite. Sometimes it is argued that the Church's endorsement of Natural Family Planning means that the Church recognizes the value of the unitive dimension of sexuality even apart from the procreative aspect. Nothing could be further from the truth. While not every act within the marital context will lead to new life, and while the unitive dimension may predominate in certain particular sexual acts between married persons practicing Natural Family Planning, it is still theoretically possible that life could result if no unnatural means have been taken to prevent new life, and the act is in any event within the context of a relationship that over time is open to life. Natural Family Planning also encourages chastity in marriage by requiring abstention from sexual acts for a certain period of time every month if one is licitly spacing children. The context is utterly different from that of a homosexual union.
  • Selfish Motivations Perhaps Unavoidable. I have come to consider as unworthy sexual activity that is solely driven by a combination of lust and unitive affection and not open to the possibility of procreation or at least not in the broader context of a marriage open to new life. I suspect that it is not really possible in a context outside of a traditional marriage to get away completely from an essentially selfish motivation for sex. There may of course be real affection and love present between two people in a sexually active same sex relationship, and not every heterosexual marriage is a bed of roses. Nevertheless, I personally believe that the fundamentally selfish and sterile nature of the sexual activity seems much more likely to triumph in the long run in homosexual unions than in heterosexual marriages. I understand that the infidelity and break up rate of such relationships in the "gay community" are statistically quite high, which if true would seem to bear out this conclusion. None of this is to say that sexuality then has no meaning or value for those with same sex attraction. It simply means that, like those God calls to consecrated celibacy, we must channel our sexual energy in such other licit, healthy, creative and charitable ways as God may severally indicate to each of us, including in the development of chaste friendships.
  • No Physical or Psychological Complementarity. Men and women would appear to have a certain physical complementarity. That men and women seem biologically made to copulate with each other and not with those of the same sex seems plain for all to see. Also, it makes sense to me based on my subjective observations in life that, generally speaking, men and women do have different personality types and that a same sex union does not have the same psychological and affective complementarity that a married relationship between a man and a woman has. The differing behavior patterns of male and female homosexuals (i.e., the higher incidence of promiscuity among the former versus the greater tendency to develop committed nurturing relationships among the latter) demonstrate that same sex attraction does not remove entirely fundamental differences in character between the sexes. Moreover, it would seem optimal for children to grow up under the influence of both a father and a mother and the different "charisms" that each imparts.
  • Immorality of Engaging in Promiscuity to Find a Soulmate. As mentioned above, I am troubled at the questionable morality of specifically going out and making friends with the ulterior motive of trying to find a special someone with whom to have a sexual relationship, particularly if it means participating in promiscuous activities with several different people in order to find that person. Is this not using other people for our selfish ends? Might not such a course of action in the long run make us less respectful of the dignity of others and inclined to undervalue disinterested friendships? Even if one is unsure in one's own mind of the morality of sexual acts with a monogamous lover, wouldn't the moral thing be to wait in chastity and see if such a person comes along and then decide on whether to take a step to initiate or respond to the initiation of such a relationship? And even if we find such a close friend, do we not owe it to Our Lord to consider whether the sexual behavior is really necessary for the relationship? In the long run, will it help or impede true friendship?
  • Civil Recognition of Same Sex Unions. In terms of public policy, I do not believe that the law needs to recognize same sex unions. People of the same sex can without legal restriction live together whether or not sexual activity occurs. Why should the state recognize a special status if sexual activity is present? It seems the main purpose is to obtain the government's seal of approval on this activity. Given the divergent views of the populace on the complex moral and religious question of homosexuality, I believe the government should be truly neutral on the issue of homosexual activity and should not promote it. It almost seems an unconstitutional (at least in the American context) establishment of a religion by the government for the government to promote this activity despite the religious objections of many. Moreover, the public policy reasons for state support of heterosexual marriage - i.e., the need to protect a non-working spouse and children from too easy a break up of the marriage vow - are not really present in the context of same sex unions. The only possible legitimate public policy reason that I can see is for the state to want to discourage promiscuity among homosexuals. However, it is not clear whether the effect of public promotion of homosexuality by state recognition of same sex unions would necessarily lead to a diminishment of promiscuity or an increase. Of course reduction of violent hate crimes against homosexuals are also used as a public policy justification for "gay marriage", but isn't teaching people to refrain from violent acts a more direct way of dealing with this issue than the indirect means of government promotion of homosexual activity?
  • Healthy, Disinterested Friendships Good. While relationships based on homosexual activity should be avoided, the Church does not in the least discourage chaste friendships. In fact, chastity may help us to have and appreciate friends more, since it would serve to take the sexually-charged tension out of human interactions. Wouldn't it be a better way of living if we were not always evaluating people in terms of their sexual desirability and instead were treating people as the unique miracles of creation that they are? Would it not be like viewing in three dimensions a reality that we have been habitually viewing through the two dimensional lenses of sexual desire? As long as one avoids sin and, to the extent one's conscience deems appropriate, the near occasions of sin, the person with same sex attraction may and perhaps even should seek out and have close friendships, even intimate friendships, so long as they are chaste. For some, this may even include living together chastely, although to others this may be too much of an occasion for sin and should be avoided. And those in committed relationships might explore whether chastity may in fact enhance those relationships.

Mary, Mother of God

gay sex

May my prayers
rise up like
incense to Thee,
oh Father of
homosexual lifestyle

[ Previous Page ]     [ Next Page ]     [ Top of Page ]     [ Home Page ]

homosexual lifestyle

Non est hic aliud nisi domus Dei et porta caeli.

Website created February 18, 2001 and update October 6, 2009.
Site hosted by KolbeNet Catholic Networking